Episode 5: Conversation

I was intending to use this episode to write about the science of cancer but before I do I must tell you all about this incredible lady I spoke with yesterday on the telephone. We haven't met in person yet but what an encouragement she was. She had been introduced to me by a mutual friend and I was told to call her. To be quite honest, I was very wary of making the call. I just wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she would have to say. I couldn't have been more wrong. She was exactly what I needed. (Remember one of my tips about sharing your story and empathy. It worked.) She had been there, done that, got the t-shirt. This lovely lady was so amazing because she knew exactly what was going on, on so many levels. And the best part was that she called it an adventure: the same word that I had used but she could use the word with authority. She knew what she was talking about and she was able to put everything into its proper perspective. This is an adventure. That's all. I love adventures. Who knows? Maybe I was complaining about being bored.

She gave me tips on how to prepare for the surgery. I should wax (my under-arms, not my breast)  beforehand because I won't want to or be able to shave afterwards. Hilarious, huh? Who in a million of years would have thought of that? She gave me the name of a good book to read called, "The Breast Book". Now I'm off to the library to find it. She gave me a bit of a timeline. For her, it took about two years to feel like she was back to her original energy levels. She told me that compared to two C-sections, this will be a piece of cake. She told me what the scar would look like. She also personally knows the doctors and other staff at the same hospital and told me that my surgeon is one of the best. She articulated feelings I've been having but hadn't put into words yet. For example, she identified the guilt that I feel for letting people down. [At the age of 49, I should be at the height of my career and earning power. (Is that the right term?) I should be putting money aside for my children. I should be putting money aside for my retirement. I should be commanding the respect of my colleagues and students because of my awesomeness as an educator. (Woohoo, doesn't that sound impressive.) I should be the right-hand to my husband as he turns our business into an un-paralleled success story. I should be visiting and caring for my parents who have done so much for me over the years. I should be ... Stink, now I'm gonna cry.] Focus, Dawn, focus.

She also told me that in many ways the phase that I'm in now is the hardest part. The waiting and the wondering is really tough because it lets the imagination run wild with all kinds of horrible scenarios. Once treatment begins, I can start to feel like I'm in control again. What a relief to think in those terms! When we were finished, she complimented me by saying that I sound like I have a "good head on my shoulders" and that laughter truly is the best medicine. My best defense will be a good sense of humour and high-spirits. A few people have said that I'm doing well in that department. Wouldn't that be great if the things that I do naturally are the very things that will help me the most? That's my kind of work. Lazy.

Stay tuned for Introduction to Cancer 101.

End of Episode 5